Goodbye Maggie Chats

Hi to anyone who may still come here to read.

I've now moved this blog to Margo Treehugger

Come see me if you want to. I will no longer be posting here.

My two eldest boys

I am finding myself going through a new lesson in life. My two eldest boys are growing up into men. They'll be 18 & 19 this month and I am so very proud of them both. Life flies by so fast, one minute they're babies and I was bouncing them on my knee and now they're young men.

I sort of feel like I am loosing them, as they get older and want to and need to live their own lives. In another sense I am so proud of watching them grow up into fine young men. It sort of feels like my heart is bursting and can't hold all the love I have inside for them, so it is bursting and radiating out of me. Part of me is happy and part of me is so sad. But mostly I am so very very proud. I'm feeling so sentimental tonight.

Hubby and his Hellcat plane.

I'm a Learner Driver doing very badly!!!!!!!!

I've been having a go at learning to drive. I have been learning on a private field and was doing OK. It's just me and hubby on there so there was no one else there to distract me. So hubby and I felt I needed the road as there was only so much I could learn on the field.

Saturday morning, I had my first lesson on the road and totally screwed up! I was nervous, but when I was at a mini roundabout and looked in my wing mirror and I saw there was someone behind me. That was it, my mind went blank, I began to panic and I was shaking all over. I couldn't start the car as I kept stalling it. Then I was revving the engine as I forgot to take my foot off the clutch, it was all going wrong!!! Then as I went to turn the corner, I had the shakes so much I nearly crashed into the curb, and that was that. I got out the car and refused to drive it anymore.

Now I'm terrified to get back behind the wheel, and yet I want to learn to drive, but I am scared of making any more mistakes. I just hate the clutch and gear stick, and also I can't find my bitting point *sobs*

Tonight at my mates sisters house.

Tonight I went to my mates sister's house, where we fed her pets. Here's an Iguana feeding.

A Badger

Today while I was at the fields with hubby (he was at his plane club) we noticed a badger who had come out to eat and drink. He was beautiful and I got just a few feet from him. Here's some video of him, and some photo's.

A Poem For Dad

A beautiful soul so deep inside
A shell of flesh where it did hide,
He brought much laughter and he brought much love
This soul that came was sent from above
He had to learn some lesson here,
Some he loved and some feared
These lessons were not just for him,
These lessons were shared with his children,

His children loved him very much,
He loved them too with all his heart,
The love he brought was never forgotten
In memories of childhood times gone and past
His children will make sure his love will always last

We love you daddy, we always did
We're sorry we didn't get to give you that very last kiss,
It's something we'll take with us to our graves
But I know you're with us every step of the way

Your loves shine through in many ways
We have some photos of those special days
You're never forgotten, you never was
You were always our daddy and the best there was

If we could go back and turn back time
We would do it in a flash to be with you
But there was a lesson to be learned
Even though it really did hurt
It was a lesson that had to be taught
Oh how we wish we had sat down and talked

The Crystal Chandeliers will be sung forever
I'll never forget your sweet voice as you sang
Your guitar you played with much love and grace
It's in our memories dad where you'll stay

© Copyright Margaret Baird April 2008

Below is the song our dad would often play to us, as he sat on the end of our beds with his guitar as we fell asleep. This song brings back memories we'll never forget.

Memories of Tim

I was looking over some stuff today, that I had written a few years ago, which seems like such a long time ago now. One of the items I came across, was a letter I had written to a man called Tim, who lives in Australia. We used to talk everyday and we had such a laugh. Anyway we stopped talking due to reasons I'm not going to discuss, and I found it so painful at the time. Out of all the people I used to talk to, he was the one who I really missed. We had a bond like father and daughter and I really adored him. To me he was a complete gentleman and a diamond, one of the very best people you could ever have the pleasure to know. Anyway, I wrote a letter to him, which I didn't send, although I really wanted to, but for good reasons I didn't. It was weird looking back at this letter, as when I wrote it my heart was in pieces, and I felt very hurt, although it was never because of anything he had done, but because of outside influences. It was kind of healing writing this letter to him.

Anyway the point of this post is, that I have finally come to a stage in my life where I am able to move forward from a lot of things, certain things that used to hurt are healed now and these things seem so far away. It feels as though a new door has opened and new adventures are lining up to greet me.

To end this post, I just want to say to Tim who lives in Victoria, Australia (not that he'll ever get to read it). Thank you for the friendship you gave me, you gave me in the short time we knew each other something I was missing, and that was a father figure and a best friend, even though our relationship was a distance one, you brought much laughter and joy into my life. I have never forgot you and there will always be a special place for you in my heart.

Canterbury Cathedral

Today hubby & I visited Canterbury Cathedral, it was one amazing place to visit, and as we stepped through the doors, you could feel the history of the cathedral. It was amazing. The Architecture is just stunning.

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Consideration Vs Assholes!

I'm so sick to death of my neighbours atm. They are three of the most disrespectful people you could meet. I'm sick of hearing their music blasting through my walls at full volume with the base as high as it can go, I'm sick of hearing their dogs barking till early hours of the morning when they go out. I'm sick of hearing their DIY in the evening especially when hubby and I come home from work and want nothing more, than to rest in peace and quiet of our own home. I'm sick of not being able to relax in my own home anymore.

I used to love my home, until she moved in. It started of with DIY in the evening, and their dogs barking till all hours of the day, even being left out for hours in summer in the back garden to bark while she either went out or just ignored them from inside her house, you'd hear the occasional 'shut up!". People like that shouldn't have dogs! It's a joke considering she claims to be someone who is an animal lover!

Rant over.

Feeling A Bit Sentimental.

Well, I've been practicing my tarot, and enjoying myself. I hope to master it eventually. ;)

You know, there's not a day that goes by where I don't think of my dad. That also goes for when he was alive. I'm learning to move forward, and to laugh and smile again, but some days, my heart just aches. Some days I feel so ashamed, and some days I wish with all of my life, that I could turn back time. I miss dad, and I love him so much, it hurts. Some days I wish I could see him, and sit and have a conversation with him, and sometimes that need to speak to him is so strong. But I know I can speak to him, as he hears me. And I do talk to him often, and I know I'll be back in the same scenario with my father in another life, until we get it right. He was never a bad man, he was a good man, he just had issues himself. We both did.

Why am I saying all this on here? Because life is too short, and if you have someone you have in your life who you love, and who you have fallen out with, make up and do it 'now'.

Tarot.

This year I was told is a number 9 year, which means it's a year for tying all the loose ends up. I've had my tarot deck for about 5 years now, as hubby bought them for me after I told him I wanted a certain deck. He hunted it down, and got me it. So this deck is very special to me. It's the Thoth deck. I have tried time and time again to work with these cards, and I have had some success, but I feel I am restricted because I don't have full knowledge of the symbols on the cards etc... So, hubby has for my birthday, ordered me a book The Thoth Companion by Michael Osiris Snuffin
I can't wait to get it, and hopefully with the help of this book, I will understand much more about this deck.

I've also joined a tarot forum, it's one I found years ago, and finally joined up in 2006, but have only just started to post on there. I guess I wasn't drawn to the tarot as much as I am now. The forum is Aeclectic Tarot So far it seems really welcoming and I think I'm going to like it there. I've been able to read oracle cards with no problem since 2003, and although I love reading them, it's time to move onto a more serious sort of divination which is the tarot. I am hoping to eventually do readings professionally.

I love this pic.

I love this pic, it's one I had forgotten had been taken. It was taken about 1991 (I think)
Here I am hugging my dad with my youngest sister Vanessa next to me. Hugging my dad was a rare thing that we did, after he had met my step mum. During this pic, we were having troubles with our dad, but we were trying (as we did so many times) to work them out. When we were having the pics taken I just grabbed him, and hugged him, and I am so glad I did. This is one of my most favourite pic's of me and my dad.

Puppies!

This cheered me up today. I got to hold one of my friends puppies. This little one, came up and wanted to sit on my lap. If I could I'd have her, but having gone through it last year and finding out how hard it is, and also with having just bought new leather furniture, it's a no no! LOL.

My Xmas/ New year Message

This year has been one of some up and downs for me. It had a lot of positives, as well as some negatives. Like getting a puppy and only realizing it wasn't for us and having to give her up was awful. It was a very painful lesson.

But the worst lesson of all was my father dying this month, and not being able to say goodbye to him, because we had fallen out.

I've learnt so much out of this, and basically I am reaching out to all those who still have both their parents with them, and even those who only have one of them.

Any squabbles you have mean nothing. It's not until you can't say goodbye that you realize this.

So please, if you are lucky enough to have one or both of your parents here, pick up the phone and call them or even better visit them. Tell them how much you love them, because one day it could be too late.

Material things don't mean a thing in life, it's the people in your life that count. Every second of every minute you spend with them should be cherished.

Remember, your parents are human too, and they will make mistakes, they're just living day by day just as you are. They don't know everything, and they may be wiser than you, but sometimes things can get in the way, and they can become hurt too, and do things that cause walls to be built.

You can tear those walls down, and the only way to do this is through love, and realizing we all make mistakes.

Thankfully I still have my mum with me, and there is no way I will ever let her go.

My dad

This is my dad in the picture with me on my wedding day. I miss him so much.
Rest in peace dad, we always did love you more than you ever knew. I feel you with me each day and I know you're with us. If I could turn back time, I would.

Funeral on Friday

Friday is dads funeral, and I still can't believe he's gone. I can see him in my mind clearly, every detail of his face.

Last night I couldn't sleep, and when I closed my eyes I could see him looking out of a window (like a shop window) and he was surrounded by lights. I called to him and he turned and looked at me, and he looked sad, but said nothing, he turned away. Then a huge bright light covered him and he was gone.

I miss him so much, but lately I feel so angry inside, because of how his life was, and how it should have been. I wish he was here to hug, but he isn't. I'm angry with myself for not taking the chance I was given, and I'm angry at my step mum for not doing the decent thing by contacting us before he died. Not just for us, but for dad.

I am not looking forward to Friday, and seeing my step mum is going to be so hard. I will want to have my say, but I will have to hold my tongue. My dad will have a peaceful funeral and after this it will be time to move forward.

Let Love Lead You Always...

If you are lucky enough to still have both your parents with you. Then I ask you to please today, and make sure it is today, go and hug them, and tell them you love them. If you can't visit them, then pick up your phone and call them. If you're the type of person who gets embarrassed by doing this, please put your embarrassment away and just make the call, that visit.

My father died on 1st December 2007, it's been just 7 days since he has passed, and I am devastated. I didn't tell my dad those three important words, and I know now that I should have.
We had a rocky relationship for 20 years, and we just didn't see eye to eye. How stupid I was to let things of the past over rule my mind, and not love.

I should have acted with love and I should have always let love be my guide. But I didn't.
It's not until your parents have passed that you realise just how much they mean to you, and it's then you realise your squabbles meant nothing.

If you're currently having any differences with your parents, please put them aside. I don't want anyone to go through what me and my sisters are going through right now. It is heart breaking and so devastating. No one is perfect, your parents are people making their way on earth, just like you. They make mistakes too, and just because they're your parents, it doesn't mean they won't.

To end this, I want to say. I'm so sorry dad, and I love you with all my heart. I just wish things had been different. They say you shouldn't have regrets, but I will always regret not making up with you. Your Marge.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In Loving Memory of Dad. 1938-2007

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.



Author - Mary Elizabeth Frye

Sadly our dad passed away Saturday 1st December.
We miss and love you so much Dad.

Marge, Jess, Vaness & Jon.
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