Feeling A Bit Sentimental.

Well, I've been practicing my tarot, and enjoying myself. I hope to master it eventually. ;)

You know, there's not a day that goes by where I don't think of my dad. That also goes for when he was alive. I'm learning to move forward, and to laugh and smile again, but some days, my heart just aches. Some days I feel so ashamed, and some days I wish with all of my life, that I could turn back time. I miss dad, and I love him so much, it hurts. Some days I wish I could see him, and sit and have a conversation with him, and sometimes that need to speak to him is so strong. But I know I can speak to him, as he hears me. And I do talk to him often, and I know I'll be back in the same scenario with my father in another life, until we get it right. He was never a bad man, he was a good man, he just had issues himself. We both did.

Why am I saying all this on here? Because life is too short, and if you have someone you have in your life who you love, and who you have fallen out with, make up and do it 'now'.

I love this pic.

I love this pic, it's one I had forgotten had been taken. It was taken about 1991 (I think)
Here I am hugging my dad with my youngest sister Vanessa next to me. Hugging my dad was a rare thing that we did, after he had met my step mum. During this pic, we were having troubles with our dad, but we were trying (as we did so many times) to work them out. When we were having the pics taken I just grabbed him, and hugged him, and I am so glad I did. This is one of my most favourite pic's of me and my dad.

My Xmas/ New year Message

This year has been one of some up and downs for me. It had a lot of positives, as well as some negatives. Like getting a puppy and only realizing it wasn't for us and having to give her up was awful. It was a very painful lesson.

But the worst lesson of all was my father dying this month, and not being able to say goodbye to him, because we had fallen out.

I've learnt so much out of this, and basically I am reaching out to all those who still have both their parents with them, and even those who only have one of them.

Any squabbles you have mean nothing. It's not until you can't say goodbye that you realize this.

So please, if you are lucky enough to have one or both of your parents here, pick up the phone and call them or even better visit them. Tell them how much you love them, because one day it could be too late.

Material things don't mean a thing in life, it's the people in your life that count. Every second of every minute you spend with them should be cherished.

Remember, your parents are human too, and they will make mistakes, they're just living day by day just as you are. They don't know everything, and they may be wiser than you, but sometimes things can get in the way, and they can become hurt too, and do things that cause walls to be built.

You can tear those walls down, and the only way to do this is through love, and realizing we all make mistakes.

Thankfully I still have my mum with me, and there is no way I will ever let her go.

Funeral on Friday

Friday is dads funeral, and I still can't believe he's gone. I can see him in my mind clearly, every detail of his face.

Last night I couldn't sleep, and when I closed my eyes I could see him looking out of a window (like a shop window) and he was surrounded by lights. I called to him and he turned and looked at me, and he looked sad, but said nothing, he turned away. Then a huge bright light covered him and he was gone.

I miss him so much, but lately I feel so angry inside, because of how his life was, and how it should have been. I wish he was here to hug, but he isn't. I'm angry with myself for not taking the chance I was given, and I'm angry at my step mum for not doing the decent thing by contacting us before he died. Not just for us, but for dad.

I am not looking forward to Friday, and seeing my step mum is going to be so hard. I will want to have my say, but I will have to hold my tongue. My dad will have a peaceful funeral and after this it will be time to move forward.

Let Love Lead You Always...

If you are lucky enough to still have both your parents with you. Then I ask you to please today, and make sure it is today, go and hug them, and tell them you love them. If you can't visit them, then pick up your phone and call them. If you're the type of person who gets embarrassed by doing this, please put your embarrassment away and just make the call, that visit.

My father died on 1st December 2007, it's been just 7 days since he has passed, and I am devastated. I didn't tell my dad those three important words, and I know now that I should have.
We had a rocky relationship for 20 years, and we just didn't see eye to eye. How stupid I was to let things of the past over rule my mind, and not love.

I should have acted with love and I should have always let love be my guide. But I didn't.
It's not until your parents have passed that you realise just how much they mean to you, and it's then you realise your squabbles meant nothing.

If you're currently having any differences with your parents, please put them aside. I don't want anyone to go through what me and my sisters are going through right now. It is heart breaking and so devastating. No one is perfect, your parents are people making their way on earth, just like you. They make mistakes too, and just because they're your parents, it doesn't mean they won't.

To end this, I want to say. I'm so sorry dad, and I love you with all my heart. I just wish things had been different. They say you shouldn't have regrets, but I will always regret not making up with you. Your Marge.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In Loving Memory of Dad. 1938-2007

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.



Author - Mary Elizabeth Frye

Sadly our dad passed away Saturday 1st December.
We miss and love you so much Dad.

Marge, Jess, Vaness & Jon.
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